Growing up Potter

Growing up Potter
By: Heather Johnson, Gryffindor House

I didn’t grow up under a stairway or in a small town over the pond. I lived in typical suburbia with average friends who went to an average school. Yet, in 1997 I met a boy named Harry Potter. He was 11 years old, growing up with his terrible Aunt and Uncle after his parents met an untimely death and he had just received an invitation to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It was at first magical owl bearing these invitations that I fell in love with Harry.

J.K Rowling has penned seven books in the Harry Potter series, each connecting to the other, chronicling the tale of Harry through his years at Hogwarts, and through his epic battle of good vs. evil with his nemesis, Lord Voldemort. With Harry I have met some wonderful people. I’ve laughed with Ron Weasely and his family, learned from Hermione Granger and stood beside Professor Dumbledore as an epic battle raged on. I would stay home, on every release date, from school or work, lock myself in a room and read, cover to cover about Harry’s latest adventure. Though I can recite spells to levitate objects and people, I, and the millions like me, learned about friendship and dedication even when “dark times are upon us”. Though the series is and forever will be only seven books per J.K Rowling, true Potter fans know there are two subsequent “textbooks” as well as an 800 word prequel which was handwritten for charity and can only be found in the back allies of the internet.

In 2001, Harry made his silver screen debut portrayed by a young Daniel Radcliffe. Finally, Harry was given a voice and a face to bring to life the adventures we’d so loved years earlier. It seemed as though each year’s book couldn’t get here fast enough so it could be brought to life thanks to Warner Brothers. The Potterverse was abuzz with delight! We still needed more. Harry Potter was our drug, and we were addicted.

Thanks to Electronic Arts, we joined in on our Playstations, Wii’s and PC’s to help fight off the Deatheaters. We screamed at our televisions while we played Scene It?: Harry Potter and lastly, turned ourselves into building blocks for Lego Harry Potter.

On the dawn of the next to final film, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1”, we were given the greatest gift…we were able to visit the Potterverse. Unveiled June 18th, 2010 (see previous issues of RCT for my review), Universal Studios: Island of Adventure brought forth their seventh “island”…The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Here you can visit Hogwarts, stroll through Diagon Alley, eat with Hagrid in Hogsmeade and even buy a pint of butterbeer. Life was good. So good in fact, that in March of this year, Warner Bros. announced plans to build a tourist attraction in the UK to showcase the film series. Warner Bros. Studio Tour London will be a behind-the-scenes walking tour featuring authentic sets, costumes and props from the films. The attraction will be located at Leavesden Film Studios, where all eight of the Harry Potter films were made and two new sound stages would be constructed to house and showcase the famous sets.

Finally, on July 15th “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2” was released. This spectacular visual finale (in both 2D and 3D) astounded audiences all over the world as we bid adieu to our hero’s and friends. Helena Bonham-Carter’s performance like in every film before this was amazingly evil, even making us wonder if she was worse then Voldemort! The film brought in a whopping $43.6 million dollars upon it’s first night internationally, $150 million of that being just the US and $32 in advanced sales! If you don’t know what that means, I’ll tell you…not only has it put “The Lord of The Rings Trilogy” at the bottom of the barrel where it belonged, but it broke every box office record beyond “Titanic” and “Star Wars”. So far, the entire series has banked upward off $6.37 billion dollars world wide which makes it the most successful film series of all time.

So what does J.K Rowling have up her wand next? Follow the Pottermore.com website to see what’s brewing and maybe you’ll be one of the lucky ones to read the unreleased chapters from the series. So farewell Mr. Potter, you’ve been a great friend and we hope to see more of you soon…Stay Tuned.

Step Right Up!

Ladies and Gentlemen, children of all ages! This past two weeks New York got to experience the wonder that was Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey circus! Both those who took the trip to the Times Union Center in Albany, and those who stepped out into New York City to Madison Square Garden got to experience childhood once again.

This year marked the 140^th season of the three ring show which was entitled “Barnum 200” which celebrated P.T Barnum’s 200^th birthday, and trust you me, it was a celebration which shouldn't be missed. But no worries folks, if you did miss it, you can catch next week’s show in Trenton, NJ or the following week in Hershey, PA. What better place for a weekend trip then the home of chocolate to visit some of the circus’s biggest stars, like it’s newly born elephant star, Barack who was a mere 250lbs at birth.

However all good things don’t come without protests. Lining the venues sidewalks prior and during the show protestors stood with posters and signs stating abuse for the animals. This has always been a topic of debate, but you can make your own judgments. In my opinion, those animals looked well taken care of…besides, wouldn't the nine tigers in the cage with one guy have made a lil' snack of him if they wanted to?

The circus though, much too popular belief isn’t what it used to be. Sure the elephants and llamas make their appearance, one elephant even paints art! These days, it’s all about the contortionists, trapeze artists and high wire walkers. Though who can forget about the clowns? However, this reporter held her breath as nine motor cycles raced around a steel ball all without hitting each other!

New York and Albany are only two of the 90 cities the tour will hit this year. Upon its completion Feld Entertainment, ran by the show’s producers Nicole and Alana Feld, will donate $10,000 to the Barnum Museum in Bridgeport, CT, to honor P.T. Barnum and to provide future generations the opportunity to learn about this amazing showman and his contributions to society.

In conjunction with the 200th anniversary of Barnum’s birth, Ringling Brothers has launched The Barnum Award, which honors the spirit of the founder of “The Greatest Show on Earth” and his inspirational contributions to society by identifying and celebrating children who give back to their own communities in creative, fun and innovative ways. Nominations for the award can be submitted online at www.thebarnumaward.com.

P.T. Barnum will also receive a first of its kind dedicated Star in the plaza of the Staples Center in Los Angeles on July 15, 2010, and the city of Los Angeles will issue a proclamation declaring that date as “P.T. Barnum Day”. So save up some cotton candy money, and stay tuned…

Fast Cars, Fails and Ferrell

Well Ladies and Gentlemen; this week has been an interesting one in the world of entertainment. Now that all the press of the royal wedding is over and Will and Kate are on their honeymoon, the world can move on to bigger and better media exposure.

This weekend, the fifth installment of “The Fast and the Furious” franchise, “Fast 5” was released into theatres here in the USA. Topping the box office numbers, for the first time in months, it brought in$83.6 million dollars, $165 million worldwide! This is first for Universal Studios as it buried this weekend’s competition (“Hoodwinked Too!” and “Prom”). Sure, you get to stare at Vin Diesel as the infamous Dominic Toretto and Paul Walker as he reprised his role as Brian O’Conner but now you have the added pleasure of watching Tyrese Gibson, Ludacris and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in addition, all in the same place. Jordana Brewster returned as Mia Toretto, Dom’s sister but we missed seeing our favorite fast driver, Michelle Rodriguez as Letty, who met her demise in the last film. Overall, the best film since the beginning and with a touch of “The Italian Job” this movie is without a doubt, this writer’s favorite of the year…behind “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” that is. However, I don't get to drool over Vin Diesel in that movie, I think I'll buy it the day it comes out to DVD and watch it over and over...some of us will just have to forget that 2Fast 2Furious existed, I mean, a F&F movie with no Vin? Impossible...

Conan O’Brien continued to bring in the late night numbers this month. After a rocky beginning it climbed up almost an entire point to reach David Letterman’s ratings this past week. What was so special you ask? Try some of the guest stars. Will Ferrell voiced his hatred of Conan’s beard and on this past Monday night, armed with “excalibeard” and a handful of 1970’s playboys, Ferrell got Conan into an impromptu barber’s chair and removed the ginger whiskers ever so lovingly from his face. Of course he did a bang up job, reminding us after the next commercial break that Conan has a great professional staff behind the scenes as he showed up clean shaven a minute later.

Lastly, it wasn’t all rainbows and lollypops. Paul Reiser’s new show, “The Paul Reiser Show”, his first after the 1999 ending of “Mad About You”, was cancelled after only two episodes. The show filmed seven, but after the first two episodes aired, NBC decided to pull the plug. The show followed the actor portraying himself on the scripted show. What kind of story line is that? That’s almost as bad as that movie Tim Robbins made in 1992, “The Player”, insider jokes? No thank you Mr. Reiser. Hopefully June comes faster and we can turn our attentions to better things, like the fourth season of “True Blood”…stay tuned…

Stabs, Drunks and Cancellations

Ladies and Gentlemen…This week the entertainment world has been screaming with news! Some good, some bad but all of it evilly delicious. Some of which has got the whole media universe in a whirl. **Caution: Spoiler Alerts**

First and foremost, Friday the 15^th was the release of Wes Craven’s much anticipated Scre4m. Unfortunately it was a box office let down bringing in a disappointing $19.27m which fell about $10m short of their goal. Much more substandard-ness from the franchise was the complete lack of thought that went into this movie. Sure, after waiting 10 years one would think that Neve Campbell, David Arquette and Courtney Cox-Arquette would have given us a scare night to remember. However the film failed to make any memories for this reporter. The big “star” murder, which has become standard in the Scream movies (Drew Barrymore in Scream, Jada Pinkette Smith in Scream2, and even the infamous Liev Schreiber in Scream3) was seriously downplayed, by having Anna Paquin (True Blood) die and not even in the “movie” but in the “STAB6” parody within the film. Seriously a let down. As if that wasn’t enough, where was the motive Mr. Craven? The first three films tied together in motive, it was a family affair with true motive connected to Sydney’s mother. This installment however, fell far from the family tree which couldn’t have been their intention. Sure, it was in the family, Syd’s cousin but for what motive? Fifteen minutes of fame? Lame Mr. Craven…you’re falling into the same trap the “Saw” movies are, pushing too much. Sure the body count was higher, the voiceover still creepy, but really? And did we need to keep postponing the ending? We were promised some surprises and this gave us none. I do have to say however that Hayden Panettiere gave a great performance, and I was saddened with her demise, however it did pay homage to Tadam’s (Rose McGowan) garage door death from the first film.

In other celebrity news, Nicolas Cage was arrested in New Orleans over the weekend for domestic abuse, disturbing the peace and public drunkenness. Of course this was all captured on tape! Apparently he was down in the Big Easy, arguing with his wife Alice Kim over which house was theirs. (Something people always fight about apparently). After stumbling into a tattoo parlor demanding a tattoo with a bottle in his hand, the employees called the cops. This would be the second call of the night, a cab driver who passed Cage arguing with his wife and saw him grab her arm earlier had also informed the authorities after seeing him hit some parked cars. He was released on bond Saturday which was put up by my favorite bail bondsman, Duane “Dog the Bounty Hunter” Chapman. I wonder if we’ll see that on cable.

Lastly, the small screen says goodbye this year to two of our favorite daytime dirty indulgences. ABC has announced the cancellation of both “All My Children” and “One Life to Live.” I guess Susan Lucci will need to find somewhere else not to win Emmy’s. After 41 seasons though, I’m sure she’ll survive. AMC began in 1970, OLTL in 1968, such a long run for two of America’s most loved soap operas. AMC will air its last episode in September and OLTL in January 2012. According to ABC’s press release regarding the matter they claim, “To honor the core, passionate audience and their rich history with our soaps, both shows will conclude in a manner that respects their legacies and the longstanding hopes of many of their viewers.” This makes me wonder if NBC’s town of Salem and “Days of Our Lives” are next on the chopping block. Stay Tuned…

A New Brand of Household Names

Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s hard to believe funny men like Jim Carey (who’s now sporting a mohawk by the way) or even odd numbers like Steve Carrell who is this month saying his final goodbye to NBC’s “The Office” can be topped by reputation. These days, one name has graced the big screen, small screen and in some cases, even our radios..Russell Brand.

This week alone, he has starred in two box office smashes. Brand voices an animated bunny in Universal’s “Hop” as well as playing the star in the remake of the 1981 Dudley Moore film, “Arthur”. However, instead of Liza Minnelli this time, we get stars like Jennifer Garner and Helen Mirren sharing the stage with Brand.

You may remember Brand from other films, regardless of your taste of films. Children remember him as Dr.Nefario in “Despicable Me” and Adam Sandler’s crazy friend Mickey in “Bedtime Stories”. While adults will remember his relationship with Kristen Bell in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” as he played the insatiable Aldous Snow, a character which was deemed good enough for his own movie. Brand teams up with chubby funny man Jonah Hill in the film which brought Brand’s vocals to the surface, “Get Him to the Greek.” If you haven’t seen any of these yet, I highly recommend them.

Recently, he graced the small screen in a various number of outlets. First and foremost, he married teen pop queen, Katy Perry after meeting her at MTV’s Video Music Awards in September of 2009. By this time he was cleaning up from his life of drug abuse and blatantly openness of being a sex addict. Katy managed to tame the beast. However, if you tuned in more recently say to Nickelodeon’s Kid Choice Awards this past month, you may have seen him covered in their infamous green slime. Makes me miss “You Can’t Do That On Television.”

Last week alone, he starred as guest “charisma” coach on American Idol. He even penned now infamous in the idol universe, one liner’s such as telling Casey Abrams “I’m very happy you are here. I think you’re a gorgeous hairball of wonder.” He also told them that being a great rock front man comes from well…that special area, just below your gut. He left the idol hopefuls by saying “I think fear comes from them judges judging us, who the hell bloody hell do they think they are?”

So while you’re looking for a movie to see, or even one to download from Netflix, try out one of Brand’s many amusing flicks to idle by your time. You surely won’t be disappointed and then you too will realize you’re quoting his lines and maybe even acting a little more “rockstarish”. Stay Tuned…

Royal Torpedoes

Ladies and Gentlemen the entertainment world has been yanked in various directions these days. Half the world can’t wait to see what will come out of Charlie Sheen’s mouth next and the other half has their eyes glued on England.

Charlie Sheen opened his show “My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is not an Option” in Detroit this past weekend to a rocky start! This tiger blood filled warlock was definitely not winning! Amid all the controversy that has surrounded Sheen’s outlandish lifestyle for the past few months, Sheen has decided to hit the road and take to a one man show. Well, once he took the stage in Detroit it was obvious he had no working script and unlike his last few media appearances, no interviewer. Sheen was booed off stage (much like Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino was earlier this month at Comedy Central’s Roast of Donald Trump)! The audience even walked out on Sheen before the intermission hit, which was accompanied by audience members saying “you suck”. To which Sheen retorted “I already have your money dude!”

He next appeared in Chicago on Sunday night and thankfully someone read the reviews the night before. Sheen was on stage with an interviewer who kept him on track and vowed that the night’s performance “not to become f&*%$ Detroit tonight.” Kudos to the resident warlock who ended his second night with a standing ovation, without much pushback (yet) from any trolls. Though tickets prices seem to be funding Sheen’s lifestyle, going for no less than $90 a seat, you can catch his act at Radio City Music Hall April 10^th or in Atlantic City on the 16^th. I guess Sheen’s “Violent Torpedo of Truth” finally hit its target…WINNING!

As for our favorite young Brits and royalty, the streets and media are filled with rumors, news and updates for the upcoming April 29^th nuptials. For the most part, details of the wedding including the dress Kate Middletown will wear has been kept under wraps. Small details such as what dessert will be served, and who is in the royal wedding party (of course Prince Harry is best man) has been given out as morsels for the media to eat up. In fact, unlike the wedding between Prince William’s parents, Princess Diana and Prince Charles in 1981 which was billed as the “wedding of the century”, this wedding has gone hi-tech. In fact, so much so that as I mentioned in earlier articles you can even follow the wedding via iPhone apps!

Stay in touch with all the royal details at http://www.officialroyalwedding2011.org, including finding out all about the music being used for the Westminster Abbey. The couple has even set up a charitable donation fund to help us mere mortals celebrate by donating to one of five causes the couple supports. The world will watch that day as the procession route passes royal landmarks starting at Buckingham Palace before ending at the ceremony location for the 11am celebration (that’s 5am EST). You can even view footage of Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother’s wedding to King George VI here!

But not all Brits are happy about the nuptials. A lot of residents of the locale are for democracy and not for as they put it “inherited privilege.” A group called “The Democracy” (www.republic.co.uk) who are holding a street party with food and entertainment will be out more or less “campaigning” against the monarchy on that day. Though residents all over the nation will be joining in as they are more or less sick of hearing about the couple’s wedding. If you plan on traveling to see London that day, admission is free! Be sure to add their collectable “I’m Not A Royal Wedding Mug” to your collection of royal souvenirs which thus far have included everything from plates, stamps and even airsick bags with the couples coat of arms and portraits emblazoned on them….Stay Tuned!

Spring Fever Remedies

Antidotes for Spring Fever

Ladies and Gentlemen…Spring is officially here, and while I’ve been keeping my eye on the Charlie Sheen fiasco, not to mention the tragedy the world is going through with Japan I think it’s time for some happier thoughts. I’ve found the top five ways to keep your mind off your oncoming spring fever and draw your attention to the following:

5. While social media sites are the newest craze, I’ve found some throw back entertainment embedded within their virtual walls. For the past three decades, the world has been chasing two elusive characters that always seem impossible to find. Carmen San Diego and Waldo! Yes that’s right I went old school. Why not try your hand at The Learning Company’s Facebook version of Carmen San Diego? Or if you’d like something with less of a learning curve, Classic Media has released three variations on the Where’s Waldo series. Now available for iPhone, PC and Nintendo Wii console you can chase the elusive man in red stripes across scenes you may remember from yesteryear. Don’t forget to look for Wanda, Woof and Odlaw too!

4. Rolling Stones Magazine released the 20 Most Annoying Songs as voted on by the readers. Despite my disagreement with more than half the list, take a nostalgia trip into the 90’s and head over to iTunes and download a few. Personally where they have listed songs such as Aqua’s “Barbie Girl”, Chumbawumba’s “Tub Thumping” and Lou Bega’s “Mambo No.5”, I can’t help but wonder exactly where is Madonna’s “Music” or Hanson’s “MmmBopp”? I guess Bieber has not yet made the top annoying list yet…

3. Got Royal Wedding Fever? BBCAmerica.com has been keeping a blog so mere mortals like you and I can follow along with the insanity and constant additions to Prince William and Kate Middleton’s royal wedding extravaganza. In fact, the latest news is BBC is launching “Weakest Link: Royal Wedding Edition” as a new app for iPhone which will hit the iTunes store on March 22. The game features 10,000 trivia questions and over 1,000 devoted just to William and Kate’s nuptials. Stay up to date at http://blogs.bbcamerica.com/anglophenia/category/royal-wedding/ and even watch Michael Flatley send his well wishes to the couple.

2. Find a good book, well… I have found some great spring reading. Check out Kyla Duffy and Lowrey Mumford's series "Lost Souls: Found, Inspiring stories... “I have read the Pug, Dachshund and Cat volumes and after crying my eyes out about some of these animals I finished the books with a smile on my face. Published by Happy Tails Books, these are not to be missed. Not to mention money made off the sales of these books goes to helping out our furry and feathered friends. Check it out at http://www.happytailsbooks.com because every animal deserves a happily ever after, even if it’s a short period of time. The authors are wonderful ladies and have poured their hearts into collecting these touching and tearful stories. A good read for anyone who loves or ever loved an animal!

1. Of course, to top my list off, I couldn't neglect the sports fans! Catch baseball fever! Opening day for the regular season is March 31st and the stars will be out that night! Hometown Yankee’s will host the Detroit Tigers at 1:05pm. On the West Coast, watch as the Los Angeles Dodgers host World Series Champion’s the San Francisco Giants starting at 8:00pm. Both games are not to be missed. Then of course, by that time, we’ll be keeping our eye on the NHL, as the New York Rangers are on a four game winning streak, maybe we’ll see some play-off time this year and at least get to take a peek at the Stanley Cup, hey if I bleed “Ranger Blue” I can dream can’t I?

***P.S*** If you noticed, I mentioned once again the same books as my last post, they were amazing! So instead of criticism, pick one up!

Idol Loses One...and other Heart Felt Things

Ok well, Idol loses Ashton tonight which eh, is ok in my book. I would say that the wild card not being used was good in theory but wasn't it the wild card that got her there in the first place? Will Idol never learn from past mistakes, they always end up using the save and then they get voted off the next week, may have well gotten it done and over with to begin with.

However, I do need to apologize to my readers who may have noticed I was absent from this week's paper. I needed a break after Oscars to regroup, not to mention the tiresome ordeal of keeping up with Charlie Sheen, I mean the minute I would send something to print for them it would already be yesterday or even last week's news because let's face it, Mr. Sheen, while you make good entertainment, you make it very difficult for us without Tiger Blood and in Los Angeles to follow you closely. While I'm at it...Kudos to you Jon Cryer for coming onto Conan tonight and meeting face to face with the troll comment Charlie Sheen threw your way. I do think you would make a great troll for my pencil eraser.

On an off note I have found some great summer reading. Check out Kyla

Duffy and Lowrey Mumford's series "Lost Souls:

Found, Inspiring stories... " I have read the Pug, Dachshund and Cat volumes

and after crying my eyes out about some of these animals I finished the

books with a smile on my face. Publis

hed by Happy Tails Books, these are not to be missed. Not to mention money

made off the sales of these books goes to helping out our furry and feathered friends. Please check it out at http://www.happytailsbooks.com because every animal deserves a happily ever after, even if its a short period of

time. The authors are wonderful ladies and have poured

their hearts into collecting these touching and tearful stories. A good summer read for anyone who loves or ever loved an animal!

American Idol - Top 12 Boys

Well Ladies and Gentlemen, it's that time of American Idol again where America gets to vote. This year Idol producers came to the ingenious idea that America could vote online, which is good since they have changed the open phone lines from 4 to 2 hour duration.

Overall the night had it's up and downs, however I don't think this year will go to the rockers as it has for the past two seasons. Casey Abrams (Seth Rogan's doppleganger) ended the night rocking out to "I put a spell on you" which wowed the judges, but James Durban let down the rock gods, despite the judges review when he screamed out a Judas Priest song ala Adam Lambert. Sorry dude, just because it worked for him, doesn't mean it works for you.

Crooner Paul McDonald and Aladdin look alike Robbie Rosen sang sweetly and gave the audience a reason to vote for them as they wooed the girls in the audience, but no one did it better than Scotty McCreery. His deep country drawl drew in the audience both in the room and in living rooms around the country. No doubt he'll be staying for a few rounds.

That leaves the rest, Clint Jun Gamboa who's performance was all but mediocre despite what judges though. Go back to Karaoke bars dude. Brett Lowenstern gave a memorable performance however I could have done without the 14 count them, 14 hair shakes he included. Jacob Lusk surprised the audiences by not screaming with that big mouth of his, and Jordan Dorsey gave a similar but ok run. Jovany Barretto and Stephano Langone showed they were more than a pretty body when they crooned out pleasing notes, but I don't expect them to be consistent. That left Tim Halperin who typically is behind a piano, took a risk by singing a fast paced song and didn't quite hit the notes.

Dialidol.com has predicted that Clint Jun Gamboa will be the first out, and putting Scotty McCreery in the first place spot. They have been right on the money every year, lets see if that holds up again with the addition of online voting. Stay tuned tonight for the top 12 girls to take the stage... though personally I rarely vote for the girls, most of them act beyond snotty, and I'm already getting that from Pia Toscano which is a shame because she has a nice voice. Last year front runner Crystal Bowersox (Mama Sox) had my vote, but alas, the male vote won out...but then again it's lil girls doing most of the voting, who else would keep someone like Sanjya in the running!?

Oscar Night!

Sleeping through the Oscars: Has the Academy gone crazy?

By: Heather Johnson

Sunday, February 27^th the 83^rd Academy Awards aired on ABC giving us an up-close and personal seat on the red carpet for the Super Bowl of Hollywood awards! However, I think I saw it better in my sleep than I did on TV.

This year the hosts for the night of festivities were Anne Hathaway and James Franco. Now, anyone who watched could tell that Hathaway worked her butt off and did her best to as they said “bring in a younger demographic.” Franco on the other hand, his performance was almost as bad as the 1995 Letterman/Host episode, in fact I may have even rather listened to Roseanne sing the Star Spangled Banner again! It was as if he had better things to do than host, and added no input to Hathaway’s struggling one-liners. By far the most boring moments of the night. Sure, their entrance ran on line with past montages. They inserted themselves into the night’s nominations for Best Picture, and even had a lil help from last year host Alec Baldwin, and the great Morgan Freeman but they seemed to be the best part, though personally, using Back To The Future was very ingenious, especially after the leak of them doing Grease which appeared last week on the internet.

Thankfully we got a break from this half way through as Billy Crystal was introduced to a standing ovation as he took us on a look back at the first ever televised Academy Awards show. Making note that the host of that night, Bob Hope, had hosted 18 times in his life, whereas Crystal holds a booming 8 honorable nights. Though it was rather awkward they projected a Bob Hope hologram and had voiceover actors act on behalf of him and introduce Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law.

The night had aspirations at the beginning; the first host of the night was Tom Hanks, who gave out the award for Best Art Direction (Alice in Wonderland) and Best Cinematography (Inception- their first win of the night). The next presenter got nothing short of yet another standing ovation as Kirk Douglas, who was almost still incoherent from his stroke a few years back, presented the award for Best Supporting Actress. He did however provide a great few moments of comedy, keeping the ladies on their seats with suspense as to who won the award. In the end Melissa Leo won for her role in The Fighter, which proved to have gotten into her head as she became the first person of the night to drop the F-Bomb. It was ok though, because it became one of the only running jokes of the entire evening. Though, I do have to say, she looked like a disco doily, what was she thinking with that lace dress and who starched her collar?

A little mystery came next as Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis presented Best Animated Feature (Toy Story 3) and Best Animated Short (The Lost Thing) but kept making reference to the movie Exit Through The Gift Shop’s elusive director, Banksey. According to The Hollywood Reporter he had many attendees guessing whether he was going to the show in disguise. Mr. Brainwash, aka Thierry Guetta (star of Exit) told THR on the red carpet that “He’s here, but you’ll never know.” Wonder if anyone figured out that it was Timberlake or if it was just me?

Keeping the night going awards for Best Adapted Screenplay (The Social Network) and best Original Screenplay (The King’s Speech) brought around no surprise as these winners were favorites to win this year. Though it seemed as if the awards hit a lull, Hathaway showed up on stage in a tuxedo and sang her version of Les Miserable “On My Own”, which was an ode to Hugh Jackman whom she says “bailed out on their duet at the last minute.” By far one of her most humorous moments of the night. Though why Franco felt he needed to come out in a hot pink strapless dress and make a Charlie Sheen joke was beyond me and the critics. Franco, go get changed, you’re not funny enough to pull off drag. Though this was not the end of embarrassing moments for the show, the announcer audibly stumbled on Reese Witherspoon’s name, which presented the award for Best Supporting Actor (Christian Bale-The Fighter). Though Witherspoon, despite the stumble on her name, was simply beautiful!

Best Original Score was presented to The Social Network to Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross. How surprised was I to find Reznor in a suit, clean cut, and short haired?! He shed his “Nine Inch Nails” to accept his Oscar. Inception swept the next two awards for Sound Mixing and Sound Editing, which of course is always the biggest lull in the show. Hoping the Makeup category would spice things up along with the costume portion, I was highly disappointed to find that Cate Blanchett, who herself looked like something out of a horror movie (what was she thinking with that purple and yellow shower curtain), was presenting these awards. The Wolfman won for makeup (not after Blanchett made a comment that it was disgusting) and Alice in Wonderland beat out the King’s Speech and True Grit for costumes. Guess there was one advantage to having Helena Bowman Carter’s head that big.

We were treated to live performances for Best Original Song, though presented by two separate people, Kevin Spacey for the first two and Jennifer Hudson for the remainder. And how awkward was it that Hudson called Gwyneth Paltrow country music’s next big star? I doubt the country genre will be holding a spot in the Grand Ole Opry for her just yet. The incoherent performance by Randy Newman for “We Belong Together” from Toy Story 3 won the category, though he did keep a light note about him joking in his speech by saying “I'm very grateful for this and surprised. My percentages aren't great. I've been nominated 20 times and this is the 2nd time I won. At the Academy, at the lunch they have for the nominees, where they have like a Randy Newman chicken by this time.” That makes him the Susan Lucci of Oscar music.

As the night continued to drag on the awards for Best Visual Effects (Inception) and Best Film Editing (Social Network) were given out only prolonging the wait till the real awards of the night. However, we were treated at this time to the “Memoriam” section of the night, which shunned some actors and highlighted a mere 24 people instead of last year’s 36. Celine Dion came on stage and performed the song “Smile” beautifully as we watched the slide show. Stars such as Tony Curtis, Gloria Stewart (the old lady from Titanic), Leslie Nielson, Lynn Redgrave, Dennis Hopper and Lena Horn were honored. This included a dedication by Halle Berry to Lena Horn who was the first African-American woman to sign a long term contract with any studio. However, where was Corey Haim? Overlooked by the Academy that’s where, even in death.

The biggest awards are always Director, Actor/Actress and of course, Best Picture. So as the wait went on, Best Director was given to Tom Hooper for the King’s Speech, no surprise there. However, he was nice enough to mention his newly founded “bromance” in his acceptance speech, “Thank you to my wonderful actors. The triangle of man love which is Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush, and me.” Truly a nice way to lighten up the dull mood.

Best Actress was presented by last year’s winner and nominee again this year, Jeff Bridges. Though all the ladies nominated were well worth the award, Natalie Portman won for her role in Black Swan. Sandra Bullock presented the flipside for Best Actor, which regretfully skipped Bridges this year and was awarded to Colin Firth for his amazing role in The King’s Speech. Franco, who was nominated for 127 Hours, looked as if he was going to cry backstage, maybe that’s why he skipped the Hollywood after parties!

So who took home the whole shebang? Best Picture was of course given it’s ten nominations: Black Swan, Inception, Toy Story 3, The King’s Speech, The Fighter, The Social Network, True Grit, The Kids are All Right, 127 Hours and Winters Bone were all up for the award. Alas, the Kings Speech won making it the fourth Oscar win of the night, out of its twelve nominations. Inception brought home three for the night and the Social Network four, making it a night of no mouth gasping upsets.

So what do we do to close out the awards this year? We bring in PS 22 from Staten Island to sing “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” with all the winners. Eh, I could have done without this. Overall I roll in my red carpet, thank Ryan Seacrest for the fantastic carpet interviews, and hope to the movie gods that next year’s hosts and awards will be far more appealing then this round. Stay Tuned…