Stabs, Drunks and Cancellations

Ladies and Gentlemen…This week the entertainment world has been screaming with news! Some good, some bad but all of it evilly delicious. Some of which has got the whole media universe in a whirl. **Caution: Spoiler Alerts**

First and foremost, Friday the 15^th was the release of Wes Craven’s much anticipated Scre4m. Unfortunately it was a box office let down bringing in a disappointing $19.27m which fell about $10m short of their goal. Much more substandard-ness from the franchise was the complete lack of thought that went into this movie. Sure, after waiting 10 years one would think that Neve Campbell, David Arquette and Courtney Cox-Arquette would have given us a scare night to remember. However the film failed to make any memories for this reporter. The big “star” murder, which has become standard in the Scream movies (Drew Barrymore in Scream, Jada Pinkette Smith in Scream2, and even the infamous Liev Schreiber in Scream3) was seriously downplayed, by having Anna Paquin (True Blood) die and not even in the “movie” but in the “STAB6” parody within the film. Seriously a let down. As if that wasn’t enough, where was the motive Mr. Craven? The first three films tied together in motive, it was a family affair with true motive connected to Sydney’s mother. This installment however, fell far from the family tree which couldn’t have been their intention. Sure, it was in the family, Syd’s cousin but for what motive? Fifteen minutes of fame? Lame Mr. Craven…you’re falling into the same trap the “Saw” movies are, pushing too much. Sure the body count was higher, the voiceover still creepy, but really? And did we need to keep postponing the ending? We were promised some surprises and this gave us none. I do have to say however that Hayden Panettiere gave a great performance, and I was saddened with her demise, however it did pay homage to Tadam’s (Rose McGowan) garage door death from the first film.

In other celebrity news, Nicolas Cage was arrested in New Orleans over the weekend for domestic abuse, disturbing the peace and public drunkenness. Of course this was all captured on tape! Apparently he was down in the Big Easy, arguing with his wife Alice Kim over which house was theirs. (Something people always fight about apparently). After stumbling into a tattoo parlor demanding a tattoo with a bottle in his hand, the employees called the cops. This would be the second call of the night, a cab driver who passed Cage arguing with his wife and saw him grab her arm earlier had also informed the authorities after seeing him hit some parked cars. He was released on bond Saturday which was put up by my favorite bail bondsman, Duane “Dog the Bounty Hunter” Chapman. I wonder if we’ll see that on cable.

Lastly, the small screen says goodbye this year to two of our favorite daytime dirty indulgences. ABC has announced the cancellation of both “All My Children” and “One Life to Live.” I guess Susan Lucci will need to find somewhere else not to win Emmy’s. After 41 seasons though, I’m sure she’ll survive. AMC began in 1970, OLTL in 1968, such a long run for two of America’s most loved soap operas. AMC will air its last episode in September and OLTL in January 2012. According to ABC’s press release regarding the matter they claim, “To honor the core, passionate audience and their rich history with our soaps, both shows will conclude in a manner that respects their legacies and the longstanding hopes of many of their viewers.” This makes me wonder if NBC’s town of Salem and “Days of Our Lives” are next on the chopping block. Stay Tuned…

A New Brand of Household Names

Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s hard to believe funny men like Jim Carey (who’s now sporting a mohawk by the way) or even odd numbers like Steve Carrell who is this month saying his final goodbye to NBC’s “The Office” can be topped by reputation. These days, one name has graced the big screen, small screen and in some cases, even our radios..Russell Brand.

This week alone, he has starred in two box office smashes. Brand voices an animated bunny in Universal’s “Hop” as well as playing the star in the remake of the 1981 Dudley Moore film, “Arthur”. However, instead of Liza Minnelli this time, we get stars like Jennifer Garner and Helen Mirren sharing the stage with Brand.

You may remember Brand from other films, regardless of your taste of films. Children remember him as Dr.Nefario in “Despicable Me” and Adam Sandler’s crazy friend Mickey in “Bedtime Stories”. While adults will remember his relationship with Kristen Bell in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” as he played the insatiable Aldous Snow, a character which was deemed good enough for his own movie. Brand teams up with chubby funny man Jonah Hill in the film which brought Brand’s vocals to the surface, “Get Him to the Greek.” If you haven’t seen any of these yet, I highly recommend them.

Recently, he graced the small screen in a various number of outlets. First and foremost, he married teen pop queen, Katy Perry after meeting her at MTV’s Video Music Awards in September of 2009. By this time he was cleaning up from his life of drug abuse and blatantly openness of being a sex addict. Katy managed to tame the beast. However, if you tuned in more recently say to Nickelodeon’s Kid Choice Awards this past month, you may have seen him covered in their infamous green slime. Makes me miss “You Can’t Do That On Television.”

Last week alone, he starred as guest “charisma” coach on American Idol. He even penned now infamous in the idol universe, one liner’s such as telling Casey Abrams “I’m very happy you are here. I think you’re a gorgeous hairball of wonder.” He also told them that being a great rock front man comes from well…that special area, just below your gut. He left the idol hopefuls by saying “I think fear comes from them judges judging us, who the hell bloody hell do they think they are?”

So while you’re looking for a movie to see, or even one to download from Netflix, try out one of Brand’s many amusing flicks to idle by your time. You surely won’t be disappointed and then you too will realize you’re quoting his lines and maybe even acting a little more “rockstarish”. Stay Tuned…

Royal Torpedoes

Ladies and Gentlemen the entertainment world has been yanked in various directions these days. Half the world can’t wait to see what will come out of Charlie Sheen’s mouth next and the other half has their eyes glued on England.

Charlie Sheen opened his show “My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is not an Option” in Detroit this past weekend to a rocky start! This tiger blood filled warlock was definitely not winning! Amid all the controversy that has surrounded Sheen’s outlandish lifestyle for the past few months, Sheen has decided to hit the road and take to a one man show. Well, once he took the stage in Detroit it was obvious he had no working script and unlike his last few media appearances, no interviewer. Sheen was booed off stage (much like Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino was earlier this month at Comedy Central’s Roast of Donald Trump)! The audience even walked out on Sheen before the intermission hit, which was accompanied by audience members saying “you suck”. To which Sheen retorted “I already have your money dude!”

He next appeared in Chicago on Sunday night and thankfully someone read the reviews the night before. Sheen was on stage with an interviewer who kept him on track and vowed that the night’s performance “not to become f&*%$ Detroit tonight.” Kudos to the resident warlock who ended his second night with a standing ovation, without much pushback (yet) from any trolls. Though tickets prices seem to be funding Sheen’s lifestyle, going for no less than $90 a seat, you can catch his act at Radio City Music Hall April 10^th or in Atlantic City on the 16^th. I guess Sheen’s “Violent Torpedo of Truth” finally hit its target…WINNING!

As for our favorite young Brits and royalty, the streets and media are filled with rumors, news and updates for the upcoming April 29^th nuptials. For the most part, details of the wedding including the dress Kate Middletown will wear has been kept under wraps. Small details such as what dessert will be served, and who is in the royal wedding party (of course Prince Harry is best man) has been given out as morsels for the media to eat up. In fact, unlike the wedding between Prince William’s parents, Princess Diana and Prince Charles in 1981 which was billed as the “wedding of the century”, this wedding has gone hi-tech. In fact, so much so that as I mentioned in earlier articles you can even follow the wedding via iPhone apps!

Stay in touch with all the royal details at http://www.officialroyalwedding2011.org, including finding out all about the music being used for the Westminster Abbey. The couple has even set up a charitable donation fund to help us mere mortals celebrate by donating to one of five causes the couple supports. The world will watch that day as the procession route passes royal landmarks starting at Buckingham Palace before ending at the ceremony location for the 11am celebration (that’s 5am EST). You can even view footage of Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother’s wedding to King George VI here!

But not all Brits are happy about the nuptials. A lot of residents of the locale are for democracy and not for as they put it “inherited privilege.” A group called “The Democracy” (www.republic.co.uk) who are holding a street party with food and entertainment will be out more or less “campaigning” against the monarchy on that day. Though residents all over the nation will be joining in as they are more or less sick of hearing about the couple’s wedding. If you plan on traveling to see London that day, admission is free! Be sure to add their collectable “I’m Not A Royal Wedding Mug” to your collection of royal souvenirs which thus far have included everything from plates, stamps and even airsick bags with the couples coat of arms and portraits emblazoned on them….Stay Tuned!